Current mood:

weird

i wish i could sleep regular
.THREE.
When i went back to my room to do my essay, i checked my messages first, listening to music on headphones. I put my head down, and slowly, slowly but surely, shifted into sleep.

DUDE you guys, the melatonin almost killed me! Like you wouldn't believe! When i sleep, i DROWN.

I desperately tried to get up, waking every once in a while, but couldn't move, hovering somewhere between unconscious thought and waking life. My thoughts were scrambled, i thought i was on crack. Seriously. Wondering to myself, why did i feel high when i didn't remember taking any drugs today. I wondered, "if i'm tripping out, then someone must have spiked my food today!!!! oh my god, Kallista!!!" Oh my god, it's not just marijuana, it must be cocaine or acid!!!
I could not, for the life of me, control myself.
My centre of gravity flipped again and again, the room spun, and i remember thinking, "i need to hit the ceiling...no...i need to hit the wall", and i tried to will myself into steadiness. Time stretched; i felt hyper-sensitive, my hand landed on my stomach and i remember the pressure being extra heavy and warm... then rough when i felt my skin, then smooth and soft.
Then the room slowly turned into a two-story Chinese restaurant, while i tried anchoring myself from floating around between floors, I DONT KNOW.

Eventually, when my roommate started talking, it stirred me back to reality,
enough so i could reach for my phone and check the time (3:00 am),
and slowly, slowly figure out where i was and what exactly happened. Figuring out that all i did was fall asleep. No drugs, no kidnapping, no magic.

You can't even imagine the paranoia and confusion i experienced while trying to wake up. Why can't i just sleep and wake like a regular person?

i told you, melatonin ruins my life!