Thinking about RISD aggravates me.
Things like: how I spent a whole year there, the debt I'm in, how long it will take to pay it off, how I bound myself for another year, the people I met and cared about (who, apparently, dont give much of a shit about me), the rest of them (who were vastly disappointing in numerous other ways),
i worked so hard, i learned so hard, exhausted myself [and my family] physically, mentally, emotionally, financially- and I'm not even going to graduate RISD Class of '09...
because of my own choice.

Actually, thinking about my life aggravates me too.
Things I've been contemplating lately: my lack of expertise when it comes to dependency, responsibility, stability, how i take everything lukewarm and immediate. No values. No morals. No person, place, or thing I've grown impossibly attached to; Nowhere I'm determined to go... anymore.

"What are you?"
19-year old Chinese-American female, college student;
oh, i dont know... artist, thinker, some post-modernist blend of texts and garbage (whatever that means), coquette, petty criminal, the occasional self-righteous lush.
Not particularly skilled at anything but calculated defiance.

I'm not angry, or frustrated, or depressed...
Just aggravated. That's what I said.

Annoyed, if anything- while I'm doing what I do.
I mean, I still do what i do.
I still have plans.

And then I try not to think about it... anymore.






I don't regret it.

There were good things, too.
And, there are good things, too.